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Mistakes You May Be Making With Your Boundaries Pt.#3 #007

Searching for success and happiness?

Today’s podcast episode is part #3 in our series on Better Boundaries For a Better Life.

Today's episode we dig into the role guilt plays in boundary setting and maintaining.

We also dive into the role empowerment, and self-care play with your boundaries and we’ll talk about the real reasons behind why you don't have boundaries in the first place.

We also cover the most common mistakes people make when setting and maintaining boundaries and the consequences of those mistakes. A few of these may surprise you.


Understanding why you DON'T have the necessary boundaries you need in your life is a crucial and often revealing first step towards TAKING BACK YOUR LIFE.

Somewhere along the line you, as did I, started to feel unworthy in some respect.

That you're less important, that your needs your feelings and your values belong behind those of other people’s. That you aren't a kind, compassionate person if you make your needs a priority.

Maybe it was a traumatic incident. Maybe you had shitty parenting, or maybe it was just crap friends in middle school. I had plenty of those I could have done without.

Who knows. All I Do know is that in order for me to start to set the boundaries I desperately needed, I had to get real with myself and so will you.

I had to stop coddling myself and STOP making excuses for my own behavior and the behavior of others in my life both personal and professional.

So if you’re struggling with guilt around setting boundaries, which in and of itself is a form of devaluing yourself, just ask yourself when confronted with a situation that makes you feel devalued or even slightly unsure…”Are MY needs being met here too or is this my needs being pushed aside AGAIN?” Stop being manipulated by your guilt. Stand up for your needs, your feelings, your values.

Guilt is for when you do something wrong. Not for when you value for yourself.

Guilt is a sign of unresolved issues and self-care is healthy and necessary, not just for your well-being, but also for healthy relationships.

Now it's time to dig into the biggest mistakes people make when setting and maintaining their BOUNDARIES:

  • Not standing your ground when people test your new boundaries, because they will.

  • Blaming others for your lack of boundaries.

  • Shutting people out or avoiding them rather than facing your fears by making yourself a priority.

  • Not being flexible with your boundaries. Rigidity is a form of fear running the show.

  • Setting boundaries during an argument or emotional moment. It's like saying "I love you" during sex. Probably not the best timing and could end up needing to be back peddled.

Knowing that you need to set boundaries is not always obvious.