Mistakes You May Be Making With Your Boundaries Pt.#3 #007
Today’s podcast episode is part #3 in our series on Better Boundaries For a Better Life.
Today's episode we dig into the role guilt plays in boundary setting and maintaining.
We also dive into the role empowerment, and self-care play with your boundaries and we’ll talk about the real reasons behind why you don't have boundaries in the first place.
We also cover the most common mistakes people make when setting and maintaining boundaries and the consequences of those mistakes. A few of these may surprise you.
Understanding why you DON'T have the necessary boundaries you need in your life is a crucial and often revealing first step towards TAKING BACK YOUR LIFE.
Somewhere along the line you, as did I, started to feel unworthy in some respect.
That you're less important, that your needs your feelings and your values belong behind those of other people’s. That you aren't a kind, compassionate person if you make your needs a priority.
Maybe it was a traumatic incident. Maybe you had shitty parenting, or maybe it was just crap friends in middle school. I had plenty of those I could have done without.
Who knows. All I Do know is that in order for me to start to set the boundaries I desperately needed, I had to get real with myself and so will you.
I had to stop coddling myself and STOP making excuses for my own behavior and the behavior of others in my life both personal and professional.
So if you’re struggling with guilt around setting boundaries, which in and of itself is a form of devaluing yourself, just ask yourself when confronted with a situation that makes you feel devalued or even slightly unsure…”Are MY needs being met here too or is this my needs being pushed aside AGAIN?” Stop being manipulated by your guilt. Stand up for your needs, your feelings, your values.
Guilt is for when you do something wrong. Not for when you value for yourself.
Guilt is a sign of unresolved issues and self-care is healthy and necessary, not just for your well-being, but also for healthy relationships.
Now it's time to dig into the biggest mistakes people make when setting and maintaining their BOUNDARIES:
Not standing your ground when people test your new boundaries, because they will.
Blaming others for your lack of boundaries.
Shutting people out or avoiding them rather than facing your fears by making yourself a priority.
Not being flexible with your boundaries. Rigidity is a form of fear running the show.
Setting boundaries during an argument or emotional moment. It's like saying "I love you" during sex. Probably not the best timing and could end up needing to be back peddled.
Knowing that you need to set boundaries is not always obvious.
Here are some indicators that you are in need of some boundaries in your life:
Maybe you rarely if ever voice your feelings needs or concerns.
Maybe you need to take more personal time for just you.
Maybe you just need to communicate your needs and feelings better.
Maybe you are overly tolerant of negative people in your life.
Maybe you feel overwhelmed and stressed.
The Biggest Takeaways from this Episode:
Getting clear on the indications that you do need new boundaries (and they may be subtle).
The truth behind guilt and why it can and often does get in the way of our boundaries and how to break that cycle.
The harsh effects of not having boundaries on your relationships.
The biggest mistakes people make with regard to setting and maintaining boundaries.
The role that self-care plays in our boundaries (hint: it's not selfish to put your care on the list).
Actionable tips you can use TODAY to start setting your boundaries.
You can stop feeling guilty.
You can stop feeling selfish for putting your needs and feelings on the list.
You can have healthier relationships.
You can feel in control of your own life for a CHANGE.
This week’s episode digs deep into not only why we struggle setting and then maintaining our boundaries but also I also give you a heads up as to the pitfalls to avoid and how to put your self-care on the list.
If you're serious about breaking the patterns and habits that drain and frustrate you and start the process towards healthy boundaries that will help you build a life that is more rewarding and fulfilling:
Scroll on up the page, pop this episode into your eardrums and put yourself in the drivers seat of your life.
Imagine what your life could be like if you didn't feel guilty all the time.
Imagine what your energy levels would feel like if you weren't always stressed out or overwhelmed.
Imagine what goals and dreams you could achieve if you had the ability to confidently assert yourself and stand up for your ideas, feelings and needs.
Remember: It is NOT selfish to say no. It is not selfish to put your needs on the to-do list. It is not selfish to love yourself and make your feelings, needs and values a priority in YOUR LIFE.