Why Not Having Boundaries Is Just Plain Dumb Pt.#2 #006
Today’s podcast episode is part #2 in our series on Better Boundaries For a Better Life.
The most compassionate, empathetic and generous people in the world have the strongest boundaries. They have to, and they know it.
So here is the BIG scary question you need to ask yourself as a people pleaser: What would happen if you just stopped saying yes to everyone?
What if you made your needs and goals more of a priority in YOUR life?
When you look at your life NOW, are you pleased with how it has turned out so far or filled with regret, even resentment and pain?
Does it piss you off to think of all the things that you do for others, be it strangers or people close to you, only to be pushed aside when it’s time to reciprocate the favor? I know it did me for years.
If you’re like I was, you’re torn between wanting to be accepted, loved, liked, cared for and needed and being a person in your own right.
Making your own choices without fear, or GUILT. You struggle with yourself on a daily basis with the simple task of saying “NO”.
It sure doesn’t feel simple, but it really is once you fully understand why and how.
This is one of the biggest reasons to start now. If you want to take back control of your OWN life, you need to start by setting boundaries and getting real with yourself.
The hardest part of this journey is the first step. Once you do that, you’re well on your way.
Now that we've covered why you say yes all the time in episode #1, between your personality type, your needs, and your fears,
It's time to dig into the 7 REASONS why not having BOUNDARIES is just plain DUMB:
You’ll NEVER earn someone's respect without boundaries. Why would they respect you when they can take advantage of you or take you for granted?
If you’re spending time and energy on pleasing others or doing for others, you’re taking away time and energy from doing what you really want or need in your own life.
You can NOT be compassionate without boundaries. People will take advantage of you.
You can NOT be generous without boundaries.
You can NOT be empathetic without boundaries.
You can NOT be vulnerable without boundaries. People would violate your trust.
You have no control over your time or your energy without boundaries.
Setting boundaries is not about building walls, or fake fences, or shutting people out, or even separation, division or selfishness.
BOUNDARIES ARE ABOUT RESPECT!
Setting boundaries doesn’t make you rude or insensitive, mean or selfish; it simply lets people know what they can expect from you, what is expected of them with regard to you and that you respect yourself, and in turn, you respect them.
The Biggest Takeaways from this Episode:
What boundaries are and are not.
The role of empathy, compassion, generosity and kindness with regard to boundaries.
The role of trust and vulnerability in setting and maintaining healthy boundaries.
The REAL reason we struggle with boundaries and the effects of not having them.
The role that FEAR plays with our boundaries (hint: there are many types of fears at play here).
Actionable tips you can use TODAY to start setting your boundaries.
You can stop feeling taken for granted.
You can stop being pushed around by your own life and the people in it.
You can chase your dreams.
You can feel in control of your own life for a CHANGE.
This week’s episode digs deep into not only why we struggle with boundaries because without clarity around why you will keep repeating behaviors, but also give you clear cut steps you can take, including examples you can use as you move ahead on your boundary setting journey to help you take back control of YOUR LIFE!
If you're serious about breaking the patterns and habits that drain and frustrate you and start the process towards healthy boundaries that will help you build a life that is more rewarding and fulfilling:
Scroll on up the page, pop this episode into your eardrums and put yourself in the drivers seat of your life.
Imagine what your life could be like if you didn't bite your tongue or avoid difficult conversations or felt confident about speaking your mind.
Imagine what goals and dreams you could achieve if you felt confident with your ability to handle those tough talks. If you had real trust and respect in your relationships.
Remember: BOUNDARIES are about RESPECT. They are about saying what is OK with YOU and what is NOT OK. It's that simple (I know, easier said than done).
So forget about walls, tear down those fences, stop worrying about isolation, and remember you are NOT selfish!
BOUNDARIES are NECESSARY in EVERY SINGLE interaction you may have, no matter how seemingly inconsequential it may seem at the time.
Think about your relationships, family, friends, colleagues, even neighbors. Think about your interactions with others.
Are you boundaries respected? Are your needs validated? Does your voice matter?
Resources Mentioned in This Episode:
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I hope you find this episode packed with value and resources that will help you as you do the hard work to build the life you deserve!
Wishing you all the best in your journey to TAKE BACK YOUR LIFE!!
A Little Note From Me
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Finally, do you have questions about today’s episode or have suggestions for something you would like me to talk about on the podcast?
Drop me an email at Erin@takebackyourlifecoaching.com and let me know.
That’s the best way for me to help clear up any confusion or answer any questions and to ensure I am incorporating everything you need to help you bridge the gap from where you are and where you want to be and start the process towards taking back your life!!